OK I got confirmation today that I am quiet and I do sneak up on people.

I know it was a question on our hashtag from somebody earlier in the month. I didn't think that I was that quiet or that stealthy? But guess what? I guess I am.

(I was hanging around in any friend's backyard with other neighbors this morning before the parade.) (No, it was not a ninja parade.)

Even before the internet and social media I was invisible. People ignored me. Blew me off as insignificant. I was never memorable. Even now you won’t see me.

I once chanced upon this conversation starter card thingy, you know the ones I'm talking about, the ones you're bound to find at places where peer support groups gather. It was a black and white drawing of a cat sitting on a roof, looking into the horizon, thinking "Somewhere there is my home". I might've cried a bit when I saw that.

My apartments never feel like homes. Not even the one I technically owned for a while, it still wasn't my home. They're storage boxes, holding cells, lodgings, a roof and four walls, somewhat of a safe harbor or whatnot. But they haven't been homes. I can't remember that last place that felt like my home. Some have felt like someone else's home, that I happened to exist in, but not mine.

And I mean, there's prolly lots of people who feel the same. You think those rich bastards feel like home in whatever you want to call those places they pretend to live in? But then I see someone's place and it's just... Yeah, this is their home, I can see it, I can feel it, this is them existing in this continuum from them outwards, extending to this place. Everything here says it's them.

I wonder if there's a place like that for me too, somewhere.

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 506 , Monday 17/03/2025

Monday followed Sunday as Mondays do, I slept thru until past 7am but was downstairs by 07:30.

Breakfast & chores followed, with a little bit of time on here in between.

Every time I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel it turns out to be another train.
My hands have been very painful over the last week or so while cleaning the filter bed, I put this down to the cold exacerbated by constantly having wet hands. Now I’m getting pins & needles in both hands but predominantly my right hand. Not all the time but when I’m playing a game on the PS5 & especially when I’m in bed. I noticed it the last time I was driving too.
It has been suggested that it might be Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. Reading up on this it could well be.
I’m going to rest my hands until the weather is warmer & see if this persists, if it does then I guess I’ll have to go see the quack & get their take on it.

Spent the day reading mostly, watched a couple of episodes of ‘Peaky Blinders’.

Final Thoughts.

I think the resting thing is working, I have not had any pins & needles in my hands today, just a weird feeling like they are full of air or something & might burst if I’m too rough with them.

I know life would be boring without these little challenges, but I could go with like maybe a week of total & utter boredom, you know just for a change like!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you!

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Taxes are like a signal jammer on my brain.

Abuse Culture project is on hold, mid-transfer of notes from Mastodon, which is just insane that I decided to start that when my accountant needs my tax paperwork in like a week. Trying hard to put a pin in that in such a way I'll find my place again.

(I've decided not to tax strike because, well, Idaho is holding my health insurance hostage. I can't even file an extension under threat of unaffordable medical care. Drat and I was all ready to go back to my Taxes Are Theft libertarian roots!)

Head is full of static now and I barely even got started gathering receipts. There's no noise here baby, it's all signal. But it's 15 HAM operators, two industrial and dubstep stations, and the NOAA weather report all talking on the same channel.

Anyhow, clocking into paid writing work now where I don't even know what what

One of the upsides (there are very few) of growing up #ActuallyAutistic where I did (Singapore) is that it was legitimately just impossible for me to understand social pressure or ways in which I had to fit in. I never once had a ‘I should do X because my parents / teachers / society’ thinks I should moment.

People from back home often say ‘oh you have such a clear vision for what you want to be’ and I’m partly also like.. ‘I didn’t have a choice? Also you all made me feel like shit for it?’

I have always had a clear-eyed vision for the life I want to lead and the ways in which I will not bend to fit in. Simply because I know there’s no fitting in anyway, all paths there lead to rejection, so why try.

Last assesment day tomorrow it’s the #adhd assesment they say 3 hours hope the body holds up not nervous anymore just need it done with and maybe get on some meds

#AuDHD
#actuallyautistic

Do you think you have a lower threshold for "liking" others and wanting others to be well/happy than is considered normal?

@actuallyautistic

As an #ActuallyAutistic person with certain skills, I can do some really complicated things but things like how to buy pants that fit me really flummox me

Sometimes asking for help will feel harder than dealing with the thing that you need help with. Ask anyway.

Failed to get out for a combined donating stuff / walk outing this morning.
Did manage to psych myself up to phone plumber about quote which I'd planned for after lunch but I'm glad I tackled it first after breakfast.
Also managed to:
- Prep bags of donations for next attempt.
- Found & got rid of a load of old delivery bags.
- Got washing done & hung.

Maybe my morning wasn't a total waste. It's certainly given me an appetite. Has anyone seen my lunch?

I need to skip today's NDCW activity. I have this headache since this morning, am fucking tired and close to a meltdown. I feel shit for having to skip, we worked so hard for these things. But I also need to take more care of myself.
#ActuallyAutistic

I feel like talking about being #ActuallyAutistic

First, I want to make it damned clear that several things can be true at once:
1) Some of me being autistic is 100% an *advantage*
2) I'm still disabled, because there's a lot of it that ... isn't

I'm actually really smart. I can see patterns that a lot of other people can't, and it's served me very well as a developer, because it means I write better code, more readable code, and I have been told on multiple occasions that I'm a dev that people like inheriting projects from. This is part of me being autistic.

I'm a decent writer, and what people compliment me the most on? It's all directly related to me being autistic (how I experience the world with different senses, how I connect things, how I treat words and how important I find the *right* word)

I picked up crochet with lightning speed. Within a month, I could do advanced patterns.

I also tire easily, especially when I need to deal with people.

I am seen as very good at talking (and I am), and I'm the one mainly doing phonecalls at home ... but if I don't know what to expect, I have a *really* hard time doing it. Especially if I've done something they might be chiding me for.

Things needs to be in a very narrow band of "not too challenging, but also can't be easy", or I *can't* do them. Not "doesn't want to". Not "I just need to work through it". Can't.

Starting things? Almost impossible without external urging, and if the urging is too much I'll shut down because it's now too stressful.

And that's why "high functioning" or "Light ASD" or whatever the latest fad for dividing autists into "put in homes" vs "doesn't need help" doesn't work: you can be extremely good in one (or more) parts of life, and still need a lot of help in others.

The number of times I've had to look up an idiom is kinda funny.

They seem so random, like a cumquat on a golf course.
Go ahead and use that one. It'll be hilarious if it catches on and years later some other autist looks it up and the origins read like
"It was coined by a fed up autistic woman who simply stuck random words together to make fun of idioms in a rant about having to look up the meaning idioms."

ok maybe i should give yall a proper intro on me #introduction

i'm alex, i'm a kitty ​​ who moved from poland to netherlands (living in Utrecht as of now) in september 2024 kind of by force

i speak polish and english, as well as trying to learn dutch (with little to no results though)

at the time of writing this i am no longer a neet woohoo ​​ i got a job

i usually draw things in my free time or endlessly scroll the internet for no reason. i collect plushies and keep them on my desk, as well as collect pokemon TCG cards.

i also gamed a lot, but nowadays i am trying to find motivation to boot up something else than osu from time to time

if i get the inspiration i work on static websites, most notably my personal site, dokokashira.nl (that needs to be updated asap because of how many outdated things there are

still morphing and trying to discover myself now that i have a proper environment to do so

i'm a trans gay guy and started my HRT on february 8 2025 ​​

i'm proudly disabled (HoH, AuDHD, C-PTSD, BPD et al) and i wish for a better world

where else to find me on fedi:
@kaaskop - art account
@alexander - private account for friends
@kaviaar - AD account, only for people i know that are 18+

also @nugget from time to time when i test something on wafrn

as always, tag spam for reach and topics:
#furry #artistsOnFedi #pokemon #ActuallyAutistic #vocaloid #AuDHD #indieWeb #disability #hardOfHearing #LGBTQ #transmasc #ftm #queer #videoGames #digitalArt #netherlands #utrecht

I have a seven-year-old with #PDA who doesn't want to go to school because "it's boring". How in the hell does one convince a kid that school is fun and they want to get ready for the day without "bossing".

The "you can watch TV as soon as you're ready" ploy has lost its novelty and no longer works.

They’re gonna put me in the gulag
They’ll make an example out of me
They’ll make a case about a man who’s weird and lonely
and all I gotta do is act naturally
.
The news is gonna make me the villain
Might get deported, you can never tell
The news will make me look like the villain
‘cause I don’t photograph so well
.
I hope you won’t forget me in the gulag
Hope you won’t let them soil my memory
of the most innocent fool who ever got convicted
and all I gotta do is act naturally

.
#ActuallyAutistic
#actuallyautistic